Choice, Chance, Change
by August12
Summary: Andy's back from Project Dakota and everything around her is changing. She needs to assess her options, make a choice, take a chance and find the change that she wants. Set after 4x03 but is slightly AU. This is my first McCollins story.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note: I could not have written this without JacquelineR- the support and inspiration I have received from you has been amazing! Also, the speech in bold belongs to JacquelineR :)**

**Usually I'm a McSwarek shipper until the end, but a kind reviewer requested a McCollins story so I thought- why not give it a go? :)**

**Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated to Rookie Blue. All characters are property of the show's creators.**

"To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my nature. I can never close my lips when I have opened my heart."

**Charles Dickens**

"Andy," yelled a rather drunk Gail from the living room," Get back in here; we need to discuss Operation Move On From Swarek before it's too late and you get all hung up on him again!"

When I called Traci after I left the parking lot, I never expected Gail and Nick showing up as well and whilst they were all welcome, Gail seemed to be getting very well acquainted with my tequila. We had spent the majority of the night discussing my decision to give up on Sam and I. Traci had asked me numerous times if I was sure it was what I wanted, I presume her and Oliver have had discussions about us, she said that she'd ultimately support me regardless of my choice. Gail on the other hand, although fresh from her cleanse, had now been polluted by alcohol and was adamant that I would only get back with Sam Swarek over her dead body. It was around the time that Gail launched into her character assassination of Sam that I glanced at Nick. He looked somewhat uncomfortable and suddenly got up to go and fetch another beer. His quietness unnerved me because ever since Project Dakota, there'd never been any silence and we'd been able to talk about anything-and trust me, he's had his fair share of things to say about the man I left behind on a bar stool.

After a few more hours of drinking and talking, Traci said she had to get home to Leo as she'd not seen him much for the last couple of days what with the case and the times of her shifts. Gail, who was in a semi-conscious state on my couch and would certainly be regretting tonight's actions in the morning, received a lift from Traci who said it would be pointless for Nick to drive to Gail's house when his was in the opposite direction yet Traci's was just a few blocks away. Within a few minutes we had all managed to wrangle Gail into Traci's car and Nick and I watched their tail lights fade into the black Toronto night.

An air of palpable awkwardness descended upon us and as I turned my head to see where Nick was, I saw him darting glances between the disappearing car and my apartment.

"Are you coming up for coffee?" I asked, hoping to eradicate the strange atmosphere that was lingering.

"Sure," he replied quickly, "As long as you don't use any of that flavored stuff you had me drinking for the last six months. I don't think I ever want to touch that again!"

"Hey, you said you liked it. I wouldn't have made you drink it if I knew you didn't like it."

"I only did it to keep you happy," he answered, his voice getting quieter as he uttered the sentence.

As soon as the words escaped the confines of his mouth, we shot a nervous glance at each other, somewhat afraid of what we would see when our eyes locked. Neither of us moved an inch, it was only when a stereo blasted out from an apartment window that we each broke out of our daze and began the ascent back up the stairs.

Whilst I was putting the coffee in the filter, I could feel Nick standing behind me to my left, his eyes burning holes in the back of my head.

"Whatever it is you want to say or ask me Nick, please just do it," I said as I spun around to face him, "I can't handle this, this silence. It's not like us."

I watched his jaw tense as he formulated his sentence.

"Why do you do it Andy?"

"Why do I do what, Nick?"

"Why can you never decide what you want when it comes to Swarek? I hate to see you flit back and forth between wanting him, missing him, hating him and then wanting something better for yourself."

"Nick, it's not that simple. You know what's it's been like…"

"Of course I know what it's been like for you Andy," he interrupted," I've been the one that's been there for you for the past eight months. **You can't wait around for Sam Swarek to return feelings that he was probably never capable of in the first place. It's stupid, it's pointless and it's a waste of time because in the end, he's always going to disappoint you, just like every other time."**

"I know Nick, alright? I know."

"Andy," he said softly as he put a hand on my shoulder, "You deserve to be with someone who treats you right, someone who can appreciate you for exactly who you are. There aren't many people like you and if Sam can't see that, then he's a fool because everyone else around you can see how amazing you are."

"Everyone?"

"Everyone." The conviction with which he spoke reignited the spark in his eye, the spark that had been missing most of the night and I was pleased to see the man I know return.

Suddenly, without warning, the hand that was on my shoulder moved down to my waist. My eyes flew to meet his and before I knew it, my head nodded in a sign of agreement at what was about to happen. He slowly drew me in towards him and as he did, I felt my eyelids close in anticipation. When our lips touched, a burst of electricity shot through me bringing with it, Nick's request to deepen the kiss. I almost granted him permission but, from somewhere deep within, a feeling of guilt overpowered me. I disentangled my hand from his hair and placed it on his chest, gently putting some distance between us.

"We can't," I stuttered, attempting to regain some perspective on the situation.

"Why not?" He asked breathlessly.

"Gail. That's why. You love her Nick; you promised her that you'd try to make it work."

"I know, but Andy, I need to tell you something…"

"Nick," I warned, " I think I know what you're going to say and if I'm right, I don't want to hear it. You can't tell me that I need to decide what I want, when you go and do this. We both know that you love Gail, you're supposed to be with Gail."

I could see the realization in his eyes that I was right, that he was being hypocritical.

"Andy," he responded, "I do love Gail, truly I do, but I can't shake the feelings that I have for you- the feelings that I've had for the last few months. You can call it double standards but I'm here. I'm telling you what I want. I'm making a decision and now you need to make one too."

"You want a decision Nick"? I asked incredulously. "Fine, here's one," I said raising my voice slightly as I walked back toward the front door, "You need to go Nick. Please don't put me in that position, please? I can't be Jo. I know what it feels like to be the third person and I won't do that to Gail. Please go."

"I'll go Andy. Just know that I know that you're willing to use any defense or reason to put off any relationship for as long as you can because deep down, you're still holding out for Sam Swarek! I don't understand why you're so desperate to put yourself through it again…"

"Nick- please?" I begged, attempting to hold back the tears as his words cut through me.

"I can't go yet Andy. We promised each other that we wouldn't ever go to bed on an argument again Andy, not after the last time."

"I know what we promised Nick, but sometimes, you have to break your promise if it's for the best. I'm going to go and get ready for bed, I'd really like for you to be gone. Go to Gail or go home- either way, you need to be gone when I come back." I strode off into the bedroom, hoping to escape the living room that now doubled as a war zone.

Through the crack in the door, I watched him pick his coat up off of the back of the sofa and walk out the door.

"What have I done?" I said to myself, as I buried my head in my hands.

**As always, if you liked it- please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Once again, thank you JacquelineR!**

**All disclaimers still stand.**

I'd been staring at the ceiling for hours, the night's events on a continuous loop in my mind. No matter how much I tried to sleep, no matter how much I tried to press pause, they wouldn't stop. They wouldn't stop tearing at my heart and torturing my emotions. I threw the duvet off and reached over to the table at the side of the bed, clawing in the dark for my phone. I pressed Nick's number and began to text him, but everything I said sounded inadequate- nothing seemed to convey what I felt.

After a few more minutes of internal debate, my thumb hesitated over the send button begging to be allowed to hit the button.

"I'm sorry," it read. Something simple but it was the best I could do.

Closing my eyes, I relented and slowly brought my finger down. Within seconds it was gone and there was no taking it back, all I had to do now was wait.

A minute later, the phone began to buzz. Reaching over my heart soared as I looked at the screen,

"Me too," it said, "Call me?"

Without hesitating I pressed Nick's number and waited on the dial tone. He picked up on the first ring.

"Hey," he said immediately, "Listen, Andy, I'm really sorry. I don't know what got into me. I shouldn't have-"

Hearing his apologies made my heart falter. No one has ever opened up to me like Nick has, he knows me and I know him- we trust each other implicitly. His willingness to apologize illuminated all the differences between him and Sam and made me realize that there are people that I could actually have an adult relationship with. There are people that are willing to stand by me as an equal and that can actually share how they feel.

"I'm glad you did that," I said in a hushed tone- ashamed of what I'd just revealed, " Honestly I am. I just don't know what's supposed to happen now." I admitted as I leant back into the pillows.

"Andy, I told you that I was making a decision and I stick by that decision. I want you. I want to see where this thing can go. I know I need to sort some things out and I will."

"Nick- please don't do anything hasty. It's not as simple as wanting to try this. You have to think about Gail and about how she's going to feel. Can I suggest something?"

"Of course," he whispered.

"Let's not do anything for the time being. I know that it's going to be difficult but I want you to be sure that this is what you want. I'm happy just being friends and I know we have this connection, but it's like you said- you have some things to sort out. Besides, I don't think I'm ready to jump straight into us. I just didn't think that we should go to bed on an argument- you were right about that. I just want you to know that I'm not mad. I'm confused but I'm not mad."

"Neither am I. I can't help the way I feel Andy and I don't want to not feel this way either."

"Nick," I pleaded, "I can't talk about this anymore tonight. We both need to sleep."

"Okay," he replied softly.

"See you tomorrow at work?" I asked, hope permeating through my confusion.

"See you tomorrow, Andy," he uttered, "Good night."

As the screen went black, I fell back on the bed and allowed sleep to overpower me.

* * *

As the sun crept through the blinds the next morning, I rolled over and looked at the clock on the side of the bed. It was an hour earlier than I need to be up but with last night's events still present in my mind, I decided it would be useless to attempt to go back to sleep.

As I entered the bathroom, I caught sight of my face in the vanity mirror. I carefully studied the dark circles under my eyes and ran my hands through the tangled mess of hair- wondering how I was going to get through a ten-hour shift after facing Nick and Sam. I leaned down and splashed water across my face before straightening up and allowing it to drip off my nose and chin into the sink.

"No Andy," I said to myself, "Today is a new day. Whatever happened yesterday, you have to let it go. Today, you're fresh paint."

I turned to pat my face dry on my towel before shutting off the lights and walking back into the bedroom: ready to face the day.

* * *

"Morning McNally," hollered Oliver from across the parking lot as I approached the station.

"Hey Oliver," I replied casually, "How are you?"

"No complaints," he smiled. "You headed in for shift?"

"Of course. Can't wait to get out there."

"Well, let me pre-warn you," concern lacing his voice as he spoke, "Peck's already in there and she's not looking so great- if you know what I mean."

"Thanks Oliver. She got a little too well acquainted with my liquor last night- I'll keep an eye on her."

"That's what I like to hear McNally," he stated as he lifted himself of the hood of his car and readjusted his belt, " Always back your partner."

Oliver walked back into the barn with me close at his heels.

When I walked into the locker room, I saw Gail sat on the bench with her head in her hands and a bottle of her disgusting cleanse drink at the side of her. My mind immediately flashed back to a time a little over a year ago when Gail and I were nursing similar hangovers following a very productive night of congratulating Traci on making detective. I couldn't help but linger on the memory; it had been a time when we were all so happy.

"Come on Gail," I encouraged as I wrapped my arm around her, "You need to get ready for parade."

I watched her slowly pick herself up off the bench and proceed to put on her uniform. By the time she'd managed to escape her clothes and finish the last button on her shirt, we were already five minutes late for parade.

As we slid into the back of the room, I could see Sam was at the front talking about a gun case that he was working on. My eyes were drawn to the information on the board and as I began to read it, I could feel two sets of eyes burning into me. One was coming from Nick who was sat to my left and the other was from a rather irate looking detective at the front of the room.

"Thanks for joining us Peck, McNally." I could hear the annoyance in his voice- obviously someone had worked another long shift.

"Sorry." Gail mumbled.

"Yes, sorry." I said, staring him down just as hard.

I flashed my eyes over to Nick who was now looking straight ahead, avoiding both Gail and I.

"Assignments are on the board," said Frank's booming voice, "Collins, Diaz and Shaw are all helping the Detectives with this case. McNally and Peck- you two appear to have volunteered yourselves for traffic."

Traffic. Not the most exciting part of the job but, it requires little thinking and at least I don't have to worry about working with either Nick or Sam. Maybe this shift could be better than I thought.

**Please review :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**All previous disclaimers still stand. **

**Thanks for all of your favorites, follows and reviews- it makes me really happy to know that people are enjoying the story :)**

**Who's excited for 4x05? I know I am! Thursday can't come soon enough!**

So far the shift had been relatively simple; no major accidents, stops or angry drivers. The only thing I had to contend with was a hung over Gail and trust me, that was no breeze. As we were finishing writing up a ticket for a driver who wasn't wearing his seatbelt, the radio crackled to life,

"1521, you're needed back at the station."

Gail reached in and told dispatch that we'd be there in about ten minutes. So much for a shift that would be devoid of a certain detective and another officer.

As we walked back into the station, Traci was waiting for me outside the detectives' office.

"What's up Traci?" I asked as I walked up to where she was standing.

"We need you Andy. This case we've been working on, it's a little more complex than it first looked," she adopted a concerned look, "How do you feel about doing some undercover work again?"

"As long as it's not for six months again, I don't mind." I said as a smile emerged. "What do you need me to do?"

"You and Nick will be going in as…"

"Hang on," I interrupted, "Nick and I?"

"Yeah, we need two officers and since you both have experience and were together for so long, Swarek said you'd be perfect."

"Sam suggested this?" I asked incredulously. I'm sure he's purposely trying to make my life as uncomfortable as possible- first Marlo and now throwing me together with Nick.

"Yeah he did. Why? Is there a reason why you don't want to do it? I thought you and Nick had gotten past the gun incident? If you want us to find someone else, I'm sure we can."

"No, no- I'll do it." As I agreed, my eyes flicked across the room to see Gail heading into the kitchen looking for Nick.

This was not how I envisaged my day going.

* * *

"Collins, you'll be posing as Ed Jackson," the authoritative tone clear in Sam's voice as he spoke, "Jackson is a low level drugs runner trying to move up the ladder. All you need to do is convince Davis that you're legit and that you've got potential. Get him to do that and we're all set; we can get him during the handover."

"What about Andy sir?" Nick asked.

"McNally," his gaze lingering on me a fraction too long as he spoke, "You'll be Ed's girlfriend. All you need to do is…"

"Back him up?" I said, finishing his sentence for him.

"Yeah. Just back him up." He repeated slowly. His eyes betrayed the fact that he was recollecting the time when I was just back up for him, the debacle that was Gabe and Edie. I just hoped that this time there wouldn't be any near brushes with being made.

Sam got up from the desk and proceeded to walk out of the room, casting his eyes my way one last time before he left.

"You ready partner?" Nick queried as he gave me hand out of the chair, all previous awkwardness seemingly vanishing as we adopted our new personas.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I answered with a shy smile.

* * *

As we walked through the back door that opened out onto the alley, Nick's hand searched out my own and he casually threaded his fingers through mine. He did it with such ease and confidence that it was like he'd been doing it for years and it was just second nature to him.

The interior door of the building creaked open as Nick pushed it, our eyes locking as if seeking reassurance that the other was ready.

"Mr. Davis?" Nick called as we entered the room.

"Yes," replied a deep voice from the table in the middle of the room, "Ed Jackson?"

"Yes sir," replied Nick.

"Are you here about the courier position?

"I am sir." Nick said as his hand tightened around mine.

"Have you got any experience in this kind of work?" He enquired.

"I worked for James O'Reilly for five years in Saskatoon." The lie tripped off of Nick's tongue with ease.

"O'Reilly huh?" asked Davis, clearly impressed by Nick's employment history.

James O'Reilly was the king of meth in Saskatoon; anyone who was anyone in the business went to O'Reilly.

As Davis was assessing Nick, his attention was suddenly drawn to me.

"Who's this?" I noticed a predatory glint flashing in his eyes as he spoke.

"This is Kate, my girlfriend." His hand releasing my own as he spoke and re-positioning itself firmly on my waist, drawing me closer into him.

"Well aren't you just something," he remarked as he cast an eye up and down me.

I was beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable and I looked up at Nick hoping he'd sense that something wasn't right. He seemed to understand exactly what it was that I was saying but no sooner had that happened, a second guy emerged from the back room calling Nick over to him. I attempted to follow Nick but a hand reached out and pulled me back, preventing me from following him. As I let out a small sound, Nick's head whipped round to face me.

"Kate comes with me Mr. Davis," stated Nick.

"Actually, she stays here. That way I can keep you in line and make sure she has everything she needs."

"Go on Ed," I said shakily, "I'll be fine- you'll be back in a minute."

Nick surveyed me for a minute and I tried desperately to show him that I needed him to stay with me but he was just being escorted away from me and had no chance of breaking away. I could just hear Sam's voice in my head, chastising me for putting myself in a vulnerable position.

Twenty minutes later and there was still no sign of Nick returning. I had remained planted on the sofa whilst Davis was in the chair opposite, his gaze and never left me for more than a minute this entire time. I pulled out the phone that Traci had given me with the built in microphone, better to be safe than sorry. At least this way I had some element of back up because I knew that at the first sign of trouble Traci would leave the van that was parked outside.

I slowly got up and walked towards the door that I had last seen Nick walk through. As I reached for the handle I felt a hand latch onto my shoulder and roughly spin me around, pushing me against the wall.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked Davis, his face mere inches from my own.

"I just wanted to see how long Ed would be."

"He won't be much longer." Davis replied and as he did I could feel his hands and eyes beginning to roam all over me.

No longer capable of suppressing it, and with the remembrance of Sam's words swirling in my mind from that first John sweep,

"Don't let anybody touch you,"

I let out an almighty scream and fought to push Davis off of me.

In less than 10 seconds I heard running feet and saw Nick come bursting through the door, his eyes frantically searching for me. The moment he clocked me, he saw red and turned on Davis exercising all of his force. I leaped up to try and separate Nick and Davis when the back door was thrown open with such force that it rebounded off the wall behind it. As I pulled Nick off of him, I saw Sam and Traci approach Davis and get him in cuffs all the time, Sam's gaze burning into me.

"Andy, Andy are you alright? Did he hurt you?" Nick's worried tone saved me from the intensity of Sam's stare.

"Yeah, I'm fine Nick. Are you ok?" I asked, leaning in to examine a scratch on his face.

"I've had worse injuries." He said.

"Are you two ok? Are you up for a debrief back at the station?" Traci enquired.

"Yeah, we're good," Nick replied, giving me another quick assessment, "Can you give us a ride?"

"Of course- get in."

* * *

An hour after the end of shift, I was getting changed in the locker room and looking at myself in the mirror when I saw Traci come in behind me.

"That was a close call Andy," she said, "It's a good thing Nick was there."

"Tell me about it Trace. I don't know what would have happened. I know that I managed to get him off me but I don't think I could have done it again. All I kept hearing was Sam's voice in my head, warning me about not letting people touch me."

"You should have seen him Andy."

"Who?" I asked, "Nick?"

"No, I mean Sam. When Davis started touching you Andy he almost broke in half, he was so angry. When Nick started on Davis you could see the relief in Sam's eyes, all he wanted to do after that was just get in there and arrest him."

"Traci, I appreciate what you're getting at but you know that it's over. I'm glad that you and Sam were there, truly I am, but he has no right to act like that. He's got someone else now that he needs to protect, I've got Nick and that's more than enough."

"What do you mean you've got Nick" Traci replied, looking a little perplexed.

"I just mean…" but before I got a chance to finish, Gail and Chloe walked into the locker room, "Nothing, it's ok. I'll see you tomorrow Traci."

As I walked out of the sally port, the wall of heat that had blanketed the city for the majority of the week hit me and all I could think about was getting home to a bottle of beer and my AC unit. As I approached the gate there was a flash of something out of the corner of my eye and as I turned to see what it was, Nick's arm caught a hold of mine.

"Hey," he smiled, "I just wanted to check that you were ok before I left for the night."

"Thanks but I'm fine, I promise. I'm just so thankful that you were there, I really don't know what I would have done…"

"Andy," he interrupted, " I'm always going to be there. I promised you when we went under the last time that no matter what, you could count on me and I still mean it." As he spoke his hand moved up and down my arm, the action evoking a sense of familiarity and comfort. "It was just like being back in that little apartment wasn't it? Just the two of us."

"Yeah, it was." I agreed, a small smile creeping onto both of our lips as we looked at each other.

"I forgot how easy it is," he said a hint of sadness invading his voice.

"What?" I asked.

"Us."

"Yeah…it is easy." I said, getting lost for the briefest of seconds in his eyes.

The moment was broken almost as quickly as it started by Gail's shouting across the parking lot,

"Nick, come on!"

Both of our heads craned to see where Gail was stood and when we saw her stalking off to the car, Nick flicked his head back to me,

"I'd better go," he uttered.

"Yup," I replied, looking down as I said it, " Gail needs you tonight- I think her head needs some looking after."

"Are you ok getting home?" He asked, his eyes searching my own for something. Anything.

"I'm all good Nick. Thanks though. I'll see you tomorrow." I replied and watched him as he got in the car that Gail had entered. I followed the car with my eyes as it drove out of the lot and as it did, I saw Sam and Marlo headed to his truck; their arms slung around each other.

"I'm all good." I said, speaking to no one but the warm dark Toronto night.

**I'm sorry if you felt that Andy should have been more independent but, I'm quite happy with how it turned out and I think she's always going to want at least one person to have her back.**

**Review if you liked it :)**

**August12**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author Note: Sorry I've not updated in a while, I've been away on vacation and not had access to internet! I hope you like this next chapter and that you feel inclined to review :)**

**All disclaimers still stand.**

For the past few weeks, Toronto had been living up to its name as one of the safest cities in North America. Shifts had come and gone and drinks at the penny had become innumerable but throughout the blur of the weeks, there had been one bold constant: Nick.

He and Gail had broken up two weeks ago and ever since then; my days of feeling alone in the city were over. Despite our ever-growing closeness, neither Nick nor Gail was willing to reveal the details or divulge anything as to why they'd split. At first it unsettled me that Nick wouldn't share the reason with me but I've come to realize that I don't need to know why exactly. I don't need to know because he seems to be dealing with it and moving on ok; he's made the choice to accept the change. We also seem to be growing closer, if that's possible, although both of us has yet to broach the subject of "us" and we seem to be constantly dancing around the elephant in the room. Are we finally ready to give us a try?

All these thought were whirling around in my head as I shut my locker door at the end of another shift.

"Andy?" Nick's voice broke through my reverie and brought me back to the present.

"Yes?" I replied, turning around to face him.

"You coming to the Penny?"

"Yeah of course I am. I'll see you there." I said, watching him nod his head in acknowledgement as he exited the locker room.

Taking a minute to gather my things off of the bench, my mind idled for a minute on the strangeness of our encounter. Normally Nick offers me a lift to the Penny if I'm going, he never agrees to meet there. As I assess the reasons for his behavior change, I suddenly remember that Frank had partnered Nick and Gail today. That's it: he's had a hard day and he just needs to get to the Penny. Simple as.

Walking out of the station with my bag slung over my shoulder, I begin to think about how I can help Nick. Would shots or tomato omelet work better? As I approached the gates of the parking lot, I felt a hand grasp my arm. My head flew around to see whom it was that was trying to get my attention this time, but I already knew. No one else but Sam would corner me in the parking lot.

"Can we talk?" He asked, his dark eyes burning into mine.

"Yeah, sure." I answered, slightly wary as to why he was suddenly urgent to talk.

We both walked over to his truck and climbed in. The energy that filled the cab was reminiscent of the time when we spoke after my first shift back; a mixture of nervousness and excitement at being so close together again.

"Sam." I voiced his name in an attempt to break the stalemate of quietness.

"Andy." We both started at the same time.

"You go first." He said, a small smile playing on his lips as he shoved his tongue into his cheek.

"I just wanted to say that I'm happy for you." My voice picking up speed, the more I grew confident in my speech. "Marlo seems like a great person and you seem to work together. I'm not going to lie to you and say that it was easy when I first came back and I saw you together, in fact, it's one of the hardest things that I've ever had to go through."

"Andy, I never wanted to make anything hard for you not now and certainly not then."

"It's ok Sam. Really, it's ok. I'm ok." I interrupted. "You know though, there was a time when I was determined to get you back, hell even Oliver said I shouldn't give up, but then I saw how you were with her and I saw you smile, Sam. When I saw you smile I knew that I should back away. I should back away and let you be happy because I want that for you Sam; I want you to be happy." I said, hoping to convey the sincerity of my feelings.

"McNally," he whispered lingering on my name as if he were savoring it, "I want you to be happy too. I want you to have what I couldn't give or be to you because, God knows Andy, that you deserve it. I'm just sorry that it couldn't be me." He replied, sadness entering his eyes as he spoke.

"So am I Sam, but I think this is where we need to be. I need to make the choice to move on and that's what I'm doing." As I was speaking, I could feel the weight of the past four years lifting off of my shoulders and leaving no trace behind.

"If that's what your gut is telling you then, you need to listen to it and trust it. It's never let you down yet."

"Thanks Sam." I said, a sense of finality leaking through my words as I leaned across the console to gently place a kiss upon his cheek.

"You're welcome McNally." He said as we stared into each other's eyes, remembering our past and committing ourselves to a new future.

I brushed my hand over his as I left the truck and stood at the side of the space as he pulled out of the lot towards the Penny. I pulled myself together and made the short six block walk to my awaiting drink.

* * *

When I walked through the door, I saw Nick standing at the bar. Our eyes met within a second and he beckoned me over to him. As I approached him, he handed me one of the two beers that occupied the spot next to him.

"You know me well." I said, smirking at the truthfulness of the statement.

"Come here Andy." He said as he pulled me towards the corridor near the bathrooms.

"Where are we going Nick?" I asked.

"Just stand here." He implored, rooting me firmly in place as he positioned himself inches from me.

For a minute, we stood there simply searching each other's face. I was looking for some sign of impending speech whilst Nick seemed to be assessing my face for some reason.

Then, out of the blue and with no build up,

"I broke up with Gail"

"Oh"

"Oh? That's it? Andy McNally, the woman of many words and all you can say is "oh'?"

"You know that I knew Nick. All I want to know is why. I've been asking you since it happened to tell me but all you've done is shoot me down."

"You know why Andy, please don't pretend as if you don't. I told you that it wasn't working with Gail months ago; I told you I felt something with you and it's only intensified over the last couple of weeks. I also told you after the Davis UC that I like our simplicity- that's what I want Andy. A simplicity that makes me want to commit and that allows me to just be me. I want simple Andy. I want simple with you."

I tried to speak but I couldn't make any sound. All I could do was stare intensely at Nick; the man who just poured his feelings out to me, the man who has always been there for me; the man who wants to be with me.

As I was staring at him, I was barely conscious of him searching my eyes waiting for a reply but it could not permeate strongly enough through the earlier words of Sam's.

"Trust your gut."

My head flicked to the main area of the penny where I saw Sam engrossed in conversation with some other detective and Oliver, it then whipped back to Nick. In that instant something clicked. Something perceptibly altered in my mind and I finally saw the change that I'd been seeking.

"I want simple too." I said, bursting into a triumphant smile as I looked at Nick.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author note: Sorry for the slow update! I can't thank you all enough for the support and messages that I've received...it means so much to me! How crazy was 4x09?! I swear that I'm falling more in love with this pair as the weeks progress!**

"So," I said looking at Nick from across the corner table in the Penny, "Where do we go from here?"

It had been thirty minutes since we confessed to wanting to be with one another and all we had done in that time was simply gravitate towards the nearest seat and sit there, watching and seeing each other in a new light.

"We can go wherever you want, Andy. I don't want to rush this- I don't want to rush you. As long as you're happy, I am too." He looked at me, his eyes imploring me to believe the sincerity of every word that he spoke.

Relishing in the little bubble that had cocooned our table, I felt at ease with my thoughts and desires as I realized what I wanted.

"Do you want to get out of here?"

There was no cause for words instead; the fire that grew in his eyes spoke volumes. Placing his hand on the small of my back, he guided me past the tables filled with friends and colleagues and out into the parking lot of the Penny. As we approached his car, he opened the door for me and proceeded to walk around to the driver's seat, leaving the Penny and its patrons in the rear view mirror.

* * *

As we pulled up outside of my apartment, Nick turned the keys and killed the engine. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his shoulders drop as he turned in his seat to face me and waited as his hand reached across the console in search of something to hold. I turned to face him and as I did, I felt his fingers clasp around mine and rub circles on the back of my hand.

"Andy," it sounded like it was the first time he'd ever said my name before, "I just want you to know that I'm not expecting anything. This," he said looking down at our intertwined fingers, "This is enough for me. I'm willing to go at whichever speed you want. Just being here and knowing that this is what we both want, is all I need."

I couldn't help but get lost in his eyes and bask in the light radiating around his face from the streetlight we'd parked under. For the past few years, my relationships had moved at an incredible pace. I'd gone from being single to engaged to single again in little under a year and then, with Sam, I'd fallen so deeply in such a short period of time that I didn't know how to stop the emotions from swallowing me but with Nick, it's different. For once I actually feel in control of everything and the fact that he's willing to let me dictate things gives me the opportunity to regain some of the balance that I've lost. Steeling myself for the words I was about to say, I looked deeper into his eyes and took a breath.

"Do you want to come in? For coffee or something." I quickly added, hoping to ensure that he understood the simplistic innocence of the request.

"Sure" he said, smiling as he exited the car and walked around to open my door.

* * *

When we reached my door, I quickly turned the lock and opened it up to reveal the living room of my apartment.

"Make yourself comfortable," I said, nerves starting to creep into my voice, "There's a bottle of…"

"Beer in the fridge." Nick interrupted and finished my sentence for me. " I know Andy. I'll get it."

Watching him walk around my home brought something to life deep in the pit of my stomach, something that hadn't been alive since the time Sam and I were baking in the kitchen. I sat down on the couch and waited for Nick to join me.

After 3 hours of dubbing our own lines to the foreign films I managed to find on the TV, Nick stood up and said that he had to leave as we both needed to sleep if we were on the early shift tomorrow. I walked him to the door and held it open for him. Taking measured steps towards the hallway, he stopped in his tracks and pivoted to face me. Carefully placing a hand around my arm, he leant in and placed the gentlest of kisses on my cheek but pulled away before either of us pushed it too far; my eyes lingered closed for a second longer as I emerged from the heady scent of his cologne mixed with the tingling sensation where his lips had been pressed against my skin.

"Good night Andy." He said as he turned to walk away.

"Nick, wait!" I replied, striding a little faster to reach him before he disappeared from sight. "I do want to take this slow but not for the reasons you might think. I'm ready for this…for us- I am. I haven't felt this happy or content in a long time and I know that this thing that we have is only going to get better. That's why I want to take it slow. Even if Gail and Sam didn't exist, I'd still want to go slow because we're worth taking the time over. We're worth enjoying every moment that we spend together. I don't want to look back in a couple of years and see that we rushed things just because it felt right, I want us to look back and have memories that we can get lost in and that we can enjoy. This is what my idea of simple is Nick. "

"Andy, I meant what I said; I want simple with you. I'll take whatever you're willing to give me. You do something to me and it makes me feel like every nerve is on fire when you're near me. I don't want to rush this either and neither do I want to miss out on the chance to make a lifetime of memories with you."

"Ok then." I said, smiling like a little girl on Christmas morning as she stares at the expanse of presents in front of her. "Come here," I ordered as I pulled him closer to me.

The moment that our lips crashed together, it was like someone lit up a thousand fireworks in my mind. The sensations that I'd felt when his hand touched mine or when we kissed the first time in my kitchen were nothing compared to this. This kiss was a promise; it was a promise of opportunity, a promise of love and a promise of thousands more kisses to come.

**As always - reviews are greatly appreciated and welcomed with open arms :)**


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